I’m finally at a stage in my life where I’m actually comfortable with being myself and loving me for me. How did I get to this stage?
Let’s dive in and find out together.
The few close friends I grew up with can definitely testify I was undoubtedly a late bloomer. Growing up, I remember my older sister and some friends calling me an old lady saying I have a more matured face and all- a further break down of this would be dealt with in another post so look out for that😝
As a teenager, I was an introvert who was extremely shy, and having beautiful siblings who were extroverts didn’t really help much. Yet I was always in denial of how shy I was and instead, I would condemn myself and silently be jealous of my more social siblings and friends.
Along came 2013, the year I turned 18, and the tables turned (whoop!). Honestly that year brought about a lot of positive changes: I started seeing myself as this beautiful damsel (if I should say so my self😂); I had a good network of friends around me and more importantly I was receiving a lot more attention from guys/men; make up skills improved, wore my very first Brazilian weave courtesy of big sis and so much more. I was feeling myself to the max, graduated from sixth form and off I go to Nigeria for a gap year. The attention from guys over there was overwhelming and at one point, I honestly got sick of all the compliments and I just wanted to be left alone. Returned to the UK a year later and undergo yet another transformation ( found out what this was in another post) which boosted my confidence even more. I was finally beautiful!
I was also independent. I had already done two summer jobs even before uni started, bought myself the latest iPhone (biggest mistake). All this was preparing me for the guys I would catch at uni- afterall they said once you get to uni, your soul mate is waiting for you with open arms. Little did I know movies and people lie (what a wow!)
Uni started, and I was swamped with essays, practical write ups, tutorials, lectures, work, volunteering and etc that I completely ignore one of my main aim of coming to uni. I said bye bye to social life and finding my bae and said ALOHA to endless nights in my bed talking to long distance friends, trying to do work and feeling miserable that I had no real friends. In particular, I was disappointed in myself not making new close male friends.
Let’s fast forward 2 years later to where we currently are now, a lot has changed.
Looking back to those times, I can only ask: who on earth was that girl?
After a lot of pondering thoughts, I came to this simple conclusion: I was the naive, chubby, sciencey, short, dark-skinned with acne teenager who allowed her friends and sisters opinion form a huge part of how she sees and carries herself around others.
Thank God for university and the love of Christ.
I now see myself as still dark-skinned (melanin on fleek), short but sassy (short girls do it better anyways), beautiful both inside ( still in working progress by God’s grace) and out, still sciencey (but with a purpose), a little bit chubby thanks to the lovely pounded yam and egusi with vegetable soup- what is fitfam? Most importantly, I see this new caring, loving personality which has been re-moulded by my being deep- rooted, grounded and surrendering my all to the leadership and guidance of the Holy Spirit. My confidence has been restored back through the love of Christ for me. He who was able to see beyond my so many flaws yet and without hesitation, laid his life as a ransom for my sin and to bring to fulfilment the prophecies and promises of God.
Although I still have days where I look in the mirror and solemnly curse that little pimple in the hope that it would vanish instantly, or days where I’d codedly ask God to make me a bit taller or provide me with a decent height ( not less than 6ft) tall husband so my future unborn children can be tall; in the end I’ve come to the realisation that all is vanity upon vanity!
In conclusion, our opinion of ourselves and that of others can truly be transformed by the renewing of our minds through Christ but also through sharing of experiences with other like minded individuals. You’re bound to find someone who perhaps have the same thoughts as you and as a result, you can have that reassurance that everything would indeed work out for good for those who love God.
Challenge- by now most of my readers are aware of my obsession with self- reflection so I’d like to end this post by asking you to spend at least 5 mins on some of the things you struggled with in the past and how you’ve worked towards overcoming them. I’d love to read some of your wonderful experiences in the comments section below.
If you manage to make to the end of this post👏🏾 God bless you, you’re the real MVP!
Till next post, stay happy and God bless,